The Empty Nest

The so-called “empty nest” years are becoming increasingly rare in our culture. Since our divorce rate has hovered around 50% for several years now, we are seeing more and more broken and disenfranchised family structures. The result is that the empty nest years are so cluttered with emotional debris that we can hardly call them “empty”.

However, the empty nest years—the time in a couple’s life when their children leave home and start their own families—represent an important season of married life. My wife and I are in that season now. It is a different time but not a bad time for us. For too many marriages, regrettably, it is a sad time because the marriage becomes stale, bitter, apathetic, broken, or destructive.    

We have three daughters who are all are now married. We sent them all to a Christian university where they graduated. Then we paid for three weddings. Have I mentioned how expensive all of this is? Today, we are not rich, but we owe nothing except for our mortgage.  We have been blessed. Psalm 127:3-5 says, “Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.  How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.”

Our quiver was full with three. Daughters would not have been regarded as valuable as sons in the earlier years of civilization. In our case, we were more blessed because we had daughters. My wife was somewhat concerned that I might do great bodily harm to boys if we had been given sons! As it is, she thinks our girls have me wrapped around their fingers. That is a notion I reject to this very day, unless one of them needs something—needs anything, for that matter!

We are like many of you who are reading these words—our days of active parenting are over. About the time kids are in college, parents lose most of their control. We do still have influence, however. That influence is only as good as the relationship that has been established with our children during their years of growing up under our tutelage. The influence we have earned from faithful and consistent living can be extremely helpful and powerful to our grown children.

Empty nesters are in a special stage of marriage. It is unlike previous stages but it can be just as exciting. It is a time to reconnect, dream again, plan, explore, and do those things that can help a couple enjoy and enrich their marriage. It is an opportunity given by God.

My wife is a high school math teacher, and I am a pastor, counselor, and writer. We live busy lives but we also know we have been blessed. It is our desire to be God’s tool in blessing someone else as we finish our race.

The empty nest years can be filled with challenges, health problems, etc., but this season of life is also filled with God-given privileges and blessings that couples could not have realized at a different stage in life.

If 50 is the new 40, then the empty nest years are the time for a second, more seasoned marriage stage. God can empower us to enjoy greater intimacy, deeper love, and stronger friendship during this time of life. It is a different time but it is a good time.

May all of you who are entering or are in the empty nest years be encouraged by the faithfulness of God and the greatness of His Word. You may still be able to see and communicate with your children. You may have new opportunities for ministry, hobbies, and adventure. Life is full of surprises but it is also a precious gift from God given to us to glorify His name and enjoy His benefits. 

The empty nest time of life for a couple is not the end of life, but a wonderful stage in life. Live it with love for God, for each other, and for His people. 

James Rudy Gray is certified as a professional counselor by the National Board for Certified Counselors, and is a member of the American Association of Christian Counselors. He serves as the pastor of Utica Baptist Church in Seneca, S.C.