Living out Righteousness as Wives, Husbands, and Christian Brothers

1 Peter 3:1-12

Part seven in an expositional series on 1 Peter. Click HERE to read the previous article in the series.

As we have explored Peter’s epistle and its implications for us as believers today, we’ve seen repeatedly that he follows an expositional pattern, explaining truth (whether from the Old Testament or his “New Testament” experience of Christ) and giving instruction that flows from it. 

Last month, we saw the command to live in submission to earthly laws and governing authorities for the sake of Christ’s witness as the outflow of the truth that we are a “chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God’s own possession” (1 Pet. 2:9) whose true allegiance is beyond this world. Peter showed that our example was Christ, who, in suffering unjustly, showed His righteousness. In this section, he continues with that exhortation, bringing it into the life of the home.

He begins by addressing wives: “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the Word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior” (3:1-2). Scripture passages describing the roles of husbands and wives are, obviously, not unique to Peter. Perhaps the best known is from Paul in Ephesians 5:22-33 (echoed in Colossians 3:18-19), but whereas Paul devotes most of his attention in those passages to the husband’s duty, Peter expounds on the powerful responsibility of a believing wife.

In this he reflects another passage from Paul, 1 Corinthians 7:12-14, showing that a faithful spouse can be used greatly of God to effect sanctification of her husband. Paul’s letter connotes that a believing spouse can preach the Gospel to an unbelieving spouse in order that he or she may be brought to salvation; Peter seems rather to give an indication that the husband “disobedient to the Word” is not an unbeliever but a straying believer. In context, Peter draws this from the example of Christ’s silence and obedience in His suffering (2:21-25) to encourage patient suffering (whether emotionally or physically) so that others may see the truth.

To speculate, the different viewpoints of the same truth taken by Peter and Paul may stem from their individual experiences—Paul was very intentionally a lifelong bachelor, but Peter, we know from Mark 1:30-31 (and parallel accounts) and 1 Corinthians 9:5, was married. Certainly Peter’s description of “being won without a word” back to obedience by the behavior of a wife certainly accords with the experience of a godly marriage, and he may well have been thinking of times when his own wife had drawn him back to the Lord’s will. Any husband of a godly wife can readily corroborate Peter’s account; I can personally attest to numerous occasions when my wife’s love and obedience has steered me, both away from sin and toward greater obedience to God’s Word. It is part of the beautiful design of marriage that a husband, by leading and teaching, and a wife, by respectful submission and godliness, may guide one another into fuller obedience and service to the Lord.

Peter continues, “Your adornment must not be merely external—braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands; just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear” (3:3-6). This clearly follows his injunction to wives to be submissive, adding further detail to the command by describing a true, inner beauty that is honoring to God.

The reference to the “holy women” of “former times” and to Sarah seems to come from his general observation from the Old Testament rather than any specific instance, though Sarah does call Abraham “lord” in Genesis 18:12 upon the news that she was to bear a son in her old age. It seems as if his message is that the wife who follows her husband as he follows God can face life unafraid, firmly rooted in the protection of her husband and the Lord. By obeying Him in this area, she can fearlessly live out her faith in whatever circumstances she finds herself, even the ruthless persecution of Peter’s time.

Peter then turns his attention to husbands, urging them, “In the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered” (3:7). In today’s climate of “politically correct” theology, our attention is often drawn to the reference to a woman being “weaker” and needing protection as an instance of a patriarchal bent to Scripture, etc.

To interpret this passage (or any biblical passage on marriage) in that light is to completely miss the point, however. Peter calls husbands not to subjugate or rule harshly over their wives but to a high road of living with the utmost of grace toward them. This is much in the vein of Paul’s command for husbands to love their wives “just as Christ also loved the Church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word” (Eph. 5:25-26). Husbands are entrusted with the spiritual well-being of our wives, our fellow heirs of God’s grace.

Failure to live up to this responsibility comes with the consequence of a husband’s prayers being “hindered”. Given that God hears us “if we ask anything according to His will” and “in whatever we ask” (1 John 5:14, 15; etc.), that anything can disrupt our prayers is certainly something to note. There are a few other places in Scripture that allude to behaviors and attitudes that hinder prayer. For example, Proverbs 28:9 says that the prayer of one who ignores God’s law is an “abomination”, and James 4:3 describes the ineffectiveness of prayer from selfish motives. In the same way, discord within the family distorts God’s design and hampers our relationship with Him.

Finally, Peter closes this section with a general command to all believers in regard to holy living. “To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing” (3:8-9). This reads like a laundry list of good character qualities, but it is no less than a restatement of many of the attributes Jesus extols in the Sermon on the Mount (Matt. 5-7).

The theme of each of these traits, indeed of the whole of Peter’s commands in this passage, is humility. The submission of wives to husbands, the tender care of husbands for wives, the brotherhood of believers, and the deference to law and earthly authority (in chapter 2) all depend upon the yielding of “rights” and placing others higher than oneself. We are, as he sums up, to give blessing in exchange for any ill-treatment we may receive so that the character and glory of Christ is shown forth. He reminds us that we were called to receive a blessing (presumably eternal life in Christ, as we will see), and to let that be our motivation to righteousness toward our families, other believers, and the world.

Peter establishes his command by quoting from Psalm 34:12-16, “For, ‘The one who desires life, to love and see good days, must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit. He must turn away from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous, and his ears attend to their prayer, but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil’” (3:10-12). This passage from a Psalm of praise from David repeats the refrain of many Old Testament passages, that the Lord blesses the righteous with long life and provision and punishes the wicked. Peter appears to tie this to the “blessing” believers inherit of eternal life, and exhorts his readers to live righteously before the “eyes of the Lord.”

The call to be holy as God is holy knows no boundaries. Peter has called us to live rightly for God’s sake, by reason of the Word we have inherited, for the benefit of the watching world, and for each other within the body. Clearly, the believer has the responsibility of fleshing out the righteousness of Christ given to us through daily righteous behavior toward all men.

Justin Lonas is editor of Disciple Magazine.

Click HERE to read the next article in the series.